


Where's My Holy Water!?

by lilyunho



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Avatar: The Last Airbender References, Boys Being Boys, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Inspired by Buzzfeed Unsolved, M/M, Paranormal Investigators, Screenplay/Script Format, Spooky, Wheeze (Buzzfeed Unsolved)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:48:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26485189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilyunho/pseuds/lilyunho
Summary: 2ho investigate the Duskmoore estate—and the ghouls within it. What’s better than this? Guys being dudes.
Relationships: Choi Jongho & Jeong Yunho
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12





	Where's My Holy Water!?

**Author's Note:**

> _Originally posted on my[Tumblr](https://yunwoo.tumblr.com/post/628926718842961921/wheres-my-holy-water-%EC%A0%95%EC%9C%A4%ED%98%B8-%EC%B5%9C%EC%A2%85%ED%98%B8): @yunwoo_
> 
> ~~All places and figures referenced in this fic are fictional. Parallels to reality are purely coincidental.~~

**[JONGHO]**  
This week, we travel to the ghost town of Duskmoore, and investigate the phantom speculated to be haunting its landmark mansion. 

**[YUNHO]**  
Wow, the flex.

 **[JONGHO]**  
The—

 **[YUNHO]**  
So what you’re saying is that if I die in a rich person’s home… It’s free real estate.

 **[JONGHO]  
**(choking noise)

 **[JONGHO (V.O.)]  
**Duskmoore, founded in 1919, was a flourishing boomtown. People flocked from all over to do business with the residents. But with the economic collapse due to the Great Depression, its trade market was no longer viable, and people started moving out of the town in droves.

 **[YUNHO]**  
Droves. Drrroooovvvvvessss.

 **[JONGHO]  
**What? What’s—what’s so funny?

 **[YUNHO]**  
Nothing, it’s just that droves is a fun word to say, like… _droves_.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Oh my god. Can you just—

 **[YUNHO]**  
Let you do what you need to do?

 **[JONGHO]  
**Right.

 **[YUNHO]**  
Okay. _Dr—_

 **[JONGHO (V.O)]  
**The town’s most famous feature is the gorge running just outside the city limits, approximately half-a-mile deep. Throughout the town’s short history, there have been exactly 3 murders—and all of them involve the ravine.

 **[YUNHO]  
**So people just (mimes pushing something) over?

 **[JONGHO]  
**Mhm.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Yikes. Like Wile E Coyote and the Roadrunner.

 **[JONGHO]  
**…Wile (wheeze) Co—

 **[YUNHO]  
**They—hahaha—they painted a fake ground o-o-over the the gap—

 **[JONGHO]  
**So they just walked and fell in?

 **[YUNHO]  
**Ha, exactly.

 **[JONGHO]  
**How to be a murderer 101:

 **[YUNHO]  
**Just be a really (bleep)ing good artist.

 **[JONGHO]  
…**That’s actually kinda deep though.

 **[YUNHO]  
**You think?

 **[JONGHO]  
**Submit that to a pretentious quotes blog.

(The scene changes. YUNHO and JONGHO are now in a car. The road looks to be desolate, with nothing but barren land on both sides. It is evening; the sun is descending behind the hills.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**So the plan for today is: go to the house.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Yeah.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Try to make contact with the ghost.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Uh huh.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Possibly kick them out.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Kick them out?

 **[JONGHO]  
**I mean, they can’t live there forever.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Why not?

 **[JONGHO]  
**Y’know, someone might want to move in.

 **[YUNHO]  
**What’s stopping them?

 **[JONGHO]  
**Uh— the ghost. Living in the house.

 **[YUNHO]  
**_Speculated_ to be living in the house.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Right, but having rumors really lowers the value, so the owner can’t sell— Why are we talking about housing prices on a ghost hunting trip?

 **[YUNHO]  
**Jongho & Yunho (he gestures as if the title was appearing in the air in front of him) Realtors by day, ghost hunters by night.

 **[JONGHO]  
**(wheeze)

(JONGHO and YUNHO are approaching the house on a hill. In the background behind them, a great crack in the earth is visible. It’s a long walk up to the battered porch and broken front door.)

 **[JONGHO (V.O.)]  
**The Duskmoore estate is one of the only surviving buildings of the town. Home ownership records trace it to be the property of one James Hawkins. He had no immediate family members, so the town priest visited every day to make sure his condition was stable, as Hawkins had a history of derangement.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Did crazy old man Hawkins kill the priest?

 **[JONGHO]  
**Crazy old man Hawkins most certainly killed the priest.

 **[YUNHO]  
**(peering over the edge of the ravine) He’s somewhere down there.

 **[JONGHO]  
**(lightly tugs YUNHO back, peering nervously at the house) And Hawkins is somewhere up there.

 **[YUNHO]  
**(claps hands) Right, let’s go.

 **[JONGHO (V.O.)]  
**The Duskmoore estate has remained a popular spot for people interested in the paranormal. Some have reported creaking floorboards and doors slamming shut. What cannot be explained away by wind, however, is several people all stating they heard the same phrase: “Seventeen hours.”

 **[YUNHO]  
**…

 **[JONGHO]  
**You seem a bit apprehensive.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Seventeen hours? To what?

 **[JONGHO]  
**I’m not sure, they didn’t exactly—

 **[YUNHO]  
**Like, what time did people enter the house? (he steps over a broken porch step, flashlight illuminating the gaping entryway.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**Maybe it’s not a countdown. Maybe something happened seventeen hours beforehand.

 **[YUNHO]  
**What if they heard it wrong?

 **[JONGHO]  
**How so?

 **[YUNHO]  
**Could’ve been “seven seas, arr.”

 **[JONGHO]  
**(wheeze)Pi—pirate Hawkins—

 **[YUNHO]  
**Murder pirate Hawkins is a pretty bitchin’ nickname.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Made that priest walk the plank.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Davey—Davey Jones’—Davey Jones’ Locker.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Wasn’t that an episode we did a while back?

 **[YUNHO]  
**Good times, good times. 

**[JONGHO]  
**(looks over at YUNHO) You go in first.

 **[YUNHO]  
**(without hesitation) Okay. (He steps over the doorsill into the black darkness of the house, JONGHO widening his eyes in a I-knew-this-was-going-to-happen-why-am-I-still-shocked manner.)

 **[YUNHO]  
**Ooh, look, bloody wall pentagram!

 **[JONGHO]  
**A _what_? (He swings his flashlight beam across the wall, illuminating what is, indeed, a bloody wall pentagram.)Oh shit.

 **[YUNHO]  
**What happens if I—

 **[JONGHO]  
**Yunho. Yunho. Do _not_ touch the bloody wall pentagram or even _think_ of knocking it.

 **[YUNHO]  
**What, like this? (He knocks on the pentagram three times.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**Holy shit! No! Why would you do that, you (bleep)ing son of a—

 **[YUNHO]  
**No, look, Jongho, I’m totally fine, see? 

**[JONGHO]  
**Don’t mess around like that.

 **[YUNHO]  
**I won’t… ugh— (He starts convulsing in a series of sharp ticks.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**WHAT THE (BLEEP). WHAT THE (BLEEP). HOLY (BLEEP). WHAT THE (BLEEP). 

**[YUNHO]  
**(Abruptly, the convulsions stop, and he looks around like nothing is out of the ordinary. He makes eye contact with a petrified Jongho and bursts out into laughter.) 

**[JONGHO]  
**(Stares back, gaping.)

 **[YUNHO]  
**I was just dancing. Ever heard of krumping?

 **[JONGHO]  
**Ever heard of— YEAH I KNOW WHAT (BLEEP)ING KRUMPING IS, BUT THAT WAS _EXACTLY_ THE WRONG TIME TO DO IT. GOD. (sigh) **_Don’t play games_** , Jeong.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Did I get your heart rate racing?

 **[JONGHO]  
**(He fixes YUNHO with a stare that could freeze even the most fiery of individuals, yet YUNHO holds firm, a shit-eating grin on his face.) _God._ We’re two minutes into this investigation and I’m already tired of this.

 **[YUNHO]  
**We still gotta solve the mystery of murder pirate Hawkins, though.

 **[JONGHO]  
**(He lets out a weak smile.) Guess you’re right.

(YUNHO and JONGHO, after discovering nothing on the first floor, climb up the rickety stairs to the attic to see if they can find any paranormal activity.)

 **[JONGHO (O.S.)]  
**So why don’t you believe in ghosts?

(The scene transitions to a shot earlier in the day, in which YUNHO and JONGHO are consuming sandwiches in their car.)

 **[YUNHO]  
**Okay, look—it’s not that I—I don’t believe in ghosts, it’s just that I’m not scared of them.

 **[JONGHO]  
**You’re not scared of ghosts? Spectral dead people that can haunt you for eternity? Not intimidating to you?

 **[YUNHO]  
**No. I mean—you know those clouds of bugs? The ones in summer, where like, you’re just walking around and all of a sudden BAM a mouthful of flies? Like—those lil’ white ones? You know the ones?

 **[JONGHO]  
**…Gnats?

 **[YUNHO]  
**Yeah. Gnats are like ghosts. Annoying, but—

 **[JONGHO]  
**—You can just swat them away. 

**[YUNHO]  
**Right, you get it! Just straight up catch them.

 **[JONGHO]  
**With your bare hands?

 **[YUNHO]  
**I ain’t afraid of no ghosts.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Dude, we’re not—we’re not the ghostbusters. 

(The scene snaps back to the mansion, where JONGHO and YUNHO are in the dust-ridden attic.)

 **[YUNHO]  
**Bro, look here.

 **[JONGHO]  
**What is it? (He peers closer.)

 **[YUNHO]  
**(He carefully picks up a glossy film photo.) Woah. Creepy old pic of a crazy old man.

 **[JONGHO]  
**How can you be sure that’s the right guy, though?

 **[YUNHO]  
**I’m not.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Fair point.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Should I keep this for— uh— for scrapbooking?

 **[JONGHO]  
**If you want to have a random wild old man in your family heirlooms, sure.

 **[YUNHO]  
**I’ll pass. (He puts the picture carefully back where he found it.)

(Just kidding, he does the card throw spiral trick to yeet it across the room.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**Can you not offend the ghost for one second?

 **[YUNHO]  
**I’m not scared of some dead dude.

 **[JONGHO]  
**He’s a murder pirate, though.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Correction: I’m not scared of some old murder pirate that can’t make good housing choices. Like, if you’re a pirate, you should live close to the ocean!

 **[JONGHO]  
**(He scratches his eyebrow.) That means he doesn’t have any waterbending powers.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Right, he’s no Katara. Definitely not an Aang.

 **[JONGHO]  
**Could be a King Bumi, though.

 **[YUNHO]  
**_Definitely_ a King Bumi.

Crazy old murder pirate King Bumi. That’s our guy. (Absentmindedly, he starts stamping out the tune to “We Will Rock You” by Queen.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**Dude, the wood here is over a century old, you’re gonna break something.

**[YUNHO]  
** _Buddy, you’re a boy, make a big noise—_

**[JONGHO]  
** _—Playing in the street, gonna be a big man someday—_

**[YUNHO]  
** _—You got mud on your face, you big disgrace—_

**[JONGHO]  
** _—Kickin’ your can all over the place, saying—_

**[YUNHO]  
**_—We will, we will—_ Okay, it’s getting dark and nothing interesting’s happening, we gotta start something.

 **[JONGHO]  
**What are you planning?

 **[YUNHO]  
**(He begins to yell.) AYO! HAWKINS! WE’RE CAPITALISTS! HERE TO CAPITALIZE THE (BLEEP) OUT OF YOUR HOME! COME OUT, COME OUT, WHEREVER YOU ARE!

 **[JONGHO]  
**Dude… Capitalists? Seriously?

 **[YUNHO]  
**I don’t know, fam, I’d be pretty mad if people came into my house and tried selling it. 

(In the background, a candlestick gets knocked over.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**OH. OH SHIT. You’ve done it now.

 **[YUNHO]  
**(He spreads his arms out wide.) I welcome the challenge. Hawkins! Me and my friend Choi Jongho here ask you to vacate this place. Like, right now.

 **[JONGHO]  
**(Through gritted teeth) Don’t drag me into this. Hawkins! I am not affiliated with this guy!

(Something else falls to the ground.)

 **[YUNHO]  
**…

 **[JONGHO]  
**…

 **[YUNHO]  
**That all you’ve got?

 **[JONGHO]  
**Wait until something flies into your face. Holy shit. I’m scared.

 **[YUNHO]  
**Don’t worry, I’ve got this. Yo, Hawkins, if you’d like us to leave, drop something else.

(Another thing drops.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**You’re crazy. You’re insane. 

**[YUNHO]  
**—If you’d _really_ like us to leave, throw something at me.

 **[JONGHO]  
**You’re asking for it.

 **[YUNHO]  
**…See, nothing happened. He secretly likes us.

 **[JONGHO]  
**I don’t think ghosts of murderers play hard to get, Yunho.

 **[YUNHO]  
**No, no, watch. Hawkins, are you kinda lonely? 

(A faint noise can be heard.) 

**[JONGHO]  
**Yunho. Are you straight up trying to befriend a spirit?

 **[YUNHO]  
**Jongho, I told you, he’s not scary. No ghost is. 

**[JONGHO]  
**That doesn’t mean you can add each other on Facebook or whatever the (bleep).

 **[YUNHO]  
**(sigh) Fine. Hawkins! Me and my stoic friend here are going to leave now. 

(Another noise is heard, louder this time.)

 **[YUNHO]  
**…I’ll take that as an “okay”, okay? Bye, Hawkins! (He grabs Jongho and speedwalks down the stairs, out of the house. We see that the night sky is speckled by stars.)

 **[JONGHO]  
**You could have gotten us killed, Yunho.

 **[YUNHO]  
**What? Crazy old murder pirate King Bumi? Kill us? No way.

 **[JONGHO (V.O.)]  
**While we didn’t exactly finish this investigation to its completion, we don’t want to go back to visit Hawkins. 

Well, Yunho probably does, knowing him.

We didn’t get any definite proof that a ghost was with us in that attic; no appearances, nothing except a couple objects falling down.

For now, this case remains **unsolved.**

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did writing it! This is my first attempt at a scriptfic, so it was an interesting experience only focusing on the dialogue, which is super different than my usual style :D Have a wonderful day, & stay safe & hydrated <3


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